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Author Topic: My first story for this board  (Read 1752 times)

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My first story for this board
« on: November 17, 2012, 04:49:38 am »

     Hello everyone, and thank you for clicking on post. This is my first post on this board I believe, so I hope I’m doing this right. What follows is the first part of a story I have been writing on and off for the past couple of months, and I hope to post the rest soon. At first I wanted to wait till it was done and then post the whole thing at once, but I figured if I did this it would put pressure on me to finish it in a timely manner. I’m still new to writing so any advice you have on things like sentence structure and storytelling please let me know.

Setta and Raily
     Lights, lasers, and sounds crowded the air in the energy filled nightclub. Dancers of all sizes, ethnicities, and species swung and swayed over every inch of open floor, with only the colourd spot-lights to illuminate their way. The Wave Center was one of the most popular clubs in the city, partly because of its atmosphere, but mostly because of its all inclusion policy. No matter who you were, as long as you didn’t cause trouble, you were a welcome member.
     This was good for two particular guests at the Wave Center, for most clubs would not allow two heavily pregnant women to enter them. On the upper balcony floor, at one of the many tables, sat two professional surrogates.
One of the two mothers was Setta, a tall, slim lizard with moss green scales, long lilac hair, and pale green racer stripes running down her back and tail. She wore a soft pink blouse that couldn’t hope to cover her rounded middle, and a kaki knee length skirt. Her womb currently carried three children, each from a different client.
Across from the pregnant lizard was an even more stuffed hedgehog named Susan. Susan was coated in blue fur with green tipped quills. Tan colored fur stretched its way across her face, breasts, and belly, a belly that currently held within it 5 babies from 4 clients. She wore a green, long sleeved blouse and a long pink skirt, clothes that much like Settas, could not contain their infant crammed forms.
     Both the hedgehog and the lizard sat at their table and just absorbed the ambiance the club exuded, knowing that this would be their last chance to do so between now and their delivery as the company they were a part of restricted nightclubs after a certain point in their pregnancies.
     However seta found it difficult to enjoy her current environment as she had been feeling a familiar sensation all day. She had a sneaking suspicion that tday was her due-date, but she had yet to be sure.
     Setta felt tenseness run down her swollen abdomen, confirming her suspicions. But she wasn’t about to bring her night to a halt over one measly contraction. She wanted to sit with her friend for as long as she could before having to head to the birthing center. It was only after the sixth contraction that she finally turned to Susan;
   “Hey Susan, I think these babies are about ready to come out”
   Susan faced her reptilian friend with a knowing look
   “Did your water just break?” Susan asked.
   “No”, Setta replied, “but my belly has been doing summersaults for the past 15 minutes.”
   Knowing exactly what she meant, Susan slowly lifted herself and her passengers from her chair, and said, “I’ll get the car running, you go get Raily and meet me in the parking-lot.”
   “Ok” said Setta as another contraction hit. Seeing that she may need help, Susan took both of Settas hands into her own and helped pull the pregnant reptile up. Susan probably should have gone about this differently, as when Setta began to stand fully up both of their widened middles bumped into each other and almost sent Susan into the crowd behind her. After regaining her lost footing Susan swung her gravid form around and made her way to the front door, leaving Setta to fend for herself.
   ““Well, here we go” Setta said, one hand on top of her tensing sphere of a belly, the other rubbing her burdened spine.
     She really shouldn’t bother Raily, he was busy tending the bar and probably didn’t want to see the more ‘extreme’ aspects of her job. Besides he would have his chance to see her push a kid or two out when they finally decided to reproduce.
   “On the other hand”, she thought as she rubbed her ever roiling belly, “he might find it rude if I don’t at least ask him”.
   Setta slowly shuffled her way through the crowd, trying (and failing) to not bump the other bar-goers with her protruding and ever moving middle. She tried to weave through the bumping bodies as fast as possible, no easy feat as it turned out. Her water had yet to break but she didn’t want to take any chances by dawdling.
   As she approached the bar, she could spot Raily almost immediately. He was a tall, well built, blond canine with jeans and a black shirt. Setta could see his agile and strong fingers pour and mix drinks of various sizes and colours, flipping cans and bottles for the amusement of the crowd.
     They had met about 10 months ago at the same club. On his breaks Raily would wander the floors aimlessly, as if trying to find his place in the chaotic environment. Setta, on the other hand, had come searching for a potential mate. She was actually a regular there, and had often come with her friends and coworkers to blow off some steam at the end of a long day. Raily noticed this trend, often finding himself looking at her from time to time, her sleek form and sharp eyes distracting him from his work. She was eventually made aware of this, her eyes having met his on a few occasions when she decided to scope him out in turn.



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Re: My first story for this board
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2013, 09:41:54 am »

That's a nice little scene, and quite readable, which is always good. *giggle* On some sites I go to only one in 5 stories are even readable.
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